Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
