I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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