i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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