i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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