I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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