One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
