p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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