what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
