We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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