apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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