Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
