im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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