Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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