I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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