Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
