Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My life is pants optional.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
