he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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