dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
