We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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