I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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