Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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