On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
