I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
