i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
