one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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