at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
