Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
