Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are my feet made of real feet?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
