I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
