Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
