Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
