your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
