none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
