I hope mine doesn't look like that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
