1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize