Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
