He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please come you make the beer taste better
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
