tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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