Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
