My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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