I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize