Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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