I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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