Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
