I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize