i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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