We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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