I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
