just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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