if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize