Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
