this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
