another moral hangover. fuck.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
