I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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