wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
