ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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