we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
