Will you blow on my dice?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize