# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
