ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
