my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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