I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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