remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
