i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
